A Crazy last few days!

Here it is Monday already and I haven't posted anything since last Wednesday! Well let me tell you why.

Last Thursday K and I went to my friends place (a little over an hour away) for the night and we spent the night. It was a lot of fun! We had a picnic lunch, home-made pizza and garlic fingers for supper and pancakes for breakfast as K requested. My friend has two kids and they played a lot together and were very tired.

Friday we went to the beach, the most beautiful beach I have ever been to here in Nova Scotia. It was called Carters Beach just outside of Liverpool. It reminded me of the beaches you would see down south, but of course I water wasn't as warm!

Carter's Beach AKA Sand Dollar Beach

We stayed there for a few hours, had lunch and then got ice cream on the way home. K was very excited for ice cream, it is one of her favorite and I must admit mine too. They had soft serve ice cream, so K got a cone and I got a sundae with cherries, hot fudge and nuts. It was the biggest small I have ever seen. Soon after the beach K and I headed home. We were both tired

YUM!

Saturday was grocery day of course, and we had a wedding to go to in the afternoon. K was very good sitting at the church! She loved watching our friend in her dress or "costume" as she called it. Last Wednesday I had dressed K up in my wedding dress and took a few pictures, this is where she got the whole "costume" part from. As soon as the tables were moved and the music started she danced and danced and danced! When we got home she kept saying "Me to tired mamma!" I was too because of course she couldn't dance by herself lol

Sunday we went to Upper Clements Park with some friends. K had so much fun! She loved the rides especially the Ferris wheel and flume ride! She was very good all day for the amount of walking we did. I would be interested in knowing how much we actually did. We did have some fries, cotton candy and a slushie there but for lunch we had veggies and cheese. For supper we went to a Chinese restaurant in Annapolis. I have never been to it before, it was good. The only way to describe it was that it was home-style cooking not mass production tasting. And the best was K got to eat for free! I love free!

Food Journal
no idea for the last several days

Exercise
Walks on the beach
dancing for about 2 hrs
Walking at upper Clements park

Weigh In

 Today I decided to jump on the scale. I had gained, but not surprised as I ate like crap the last week or more. Its hard for me to put it out there how much I weigh, but in a way its admitting to myself that I have a problem. 217.2 lbs.  There I did it.

 Here's to better choices this week.

Today K went to daycare for the first time since last Thursday. Since it was the long weekend and I have been on vacation she has stayed home but today I was sending her as we are paying for it anyways and she really needs to get away and play with some kids today. She didn't want to go like always once she gets there she is fine. She always wants to know what I am doing, in case she misses something of course.

Frustrated tonight because of hubby. I was just getting K ready for bed and he informs me that he is going to his friends house. I wanted to go for a walk before it rained. But of course, no he already told his friend that he was going over. So here I sit alone all night. The annoying part is that K and I are going away tomorrow for the night at my friends place 1.5 hrs away. He couldn't even wait until then to go over. Of course that does not help as I am an emotional eater, so instead of getting on the trampoline once K was in bed I just started to eat. Fruit to go and fruit loops.




Food Journal
Fruit loops & milk x 2 (breakfast and late night snack)
3 oz cheese

KD 

Milk, skim

fruit to go x 2
fruit snack
sugar snap peas
Ground pork tacos with hard shell x 2


Exercise
:(

Tuesday, a bit of a drag

Tuesday hubby and I were both off (as I am on vacation for another week and some). It was a day to do whatever. I helped a friend do her wedding reception center pieces and we looked at her bunnies after. K loved watching them! It was very cute!

After supper my bestie came over and we went out for ice cream. Hubby was being a bit of a grump all day and so I didn't care if we were going to get ice cream or not, I needed to get out of the house! Let me tell you, it was so good! And super cheap; it was $3.75 for a medium, which I couldn't even finish. Its soft service ice cream, in their own mixture. Its the perfect tasting ice cream I have ever had. I love ice cream can you tell?  After getting come back home my bestie wanted to go out on K's trampoline, it was like we were kids again. We had so much fun!



Food Journal
oatmeal with brown sugar and milk
doughnut
Handful of chips
corn on the cob with margarine, 2 pieces
medium ice cream


Exercise
Jumping on trampoline for 10 minutes

Monday wasn't so blue

I am late posting for yesterday as I was so tired from all the fresh air I went to bed just before 10 pm. Yesterday we went to our family's cottage with our neighbor and their kids. Our girls are very good friends. The weather wasn't too bad, it wasn't sunny but its a good thing it wasn't because when the sun did peak out from behind the clouds it got VERY hot!

Here is the lake, its perfect! This was taken in June as I didn't take any pictures yesterday

 Not sure why but the leaches seem to be really bad this year. So bad that when I was floating in my chair (the seat is mesh) I noticed one on my bathing suit right on my crotch! Sorry might be too much info but lets put it this way, I was exceptionally calm because I didn't want to freak out the kids. After that I had enough, that was it for me, that ruined it! I guess I know why mom puts a towel on the mesh first. I thought she was being a bit crazy. The guys count about 10 of them in total. We have had the cottage for 7 years and this is the most I have seen! Not sure whats going on. Maybe there is a life cycle or something similar to earwigs.

On another topic (I still can't shake the image of it on my bathing suit *shutter*)! When we got home it rained so hard! We were very lucky that we had unpacked the truck and just got K to bed when the heavens opened as it rained so hard hubby had to go check the gutters as they were over flowing.

Well as for eating and exercise. I felt like I ate all day, I know I hardly drank anything  :(

Food Journal

Mini wheats with milk
gold fish crackers (couple of handfuls)
pasta salad x 2
tossed salad
hot dog & hamburger with buns
Chips, handful
Nibs extra long
sugared doughnut
couple of penny candy

Exercise
none to really speak of

Wedding Bells

Yesterday our friends are getting married, its been a LONG time coming! They have been together for a long time and he finally proposed last fall and yesterday was the big day! The wedding was local but we still decided to have a treat for ourselves and spend the night. Hubby's father came over to stay with our daughter and dog. The wedding was beautiful! The minister was awesome, she really got everyone involved in the ceremony in a special way.

When we got back to the hotel our friends came over and we had a few drinks before the reception started. Once the reception started it wasn't long before meal was served (best way as we were all starving). It was a lovely meal and very tasty (I am sure high in fat and calories). I am sure some of it was cancelled as I did dance quite a bit!

This morning we went to brunch with our friends who had also stayed at the hotel. It was just what our hangover needed ;) Today we didn't do much, we were up so late and I never sleep well in a hotel. We did go for a walk to night though, which was nice. Our daughter "K" did a great job of biking the whole time, however it was painful as she would start and stop so much. Today she didn't have her listening ears on so I am happy that she went to bed at a decent time without trouble.


Food Journal
Saturday:
Croissant
Blueberry yogurt
1/2 cheese cake & cookie
large roll
Turkey dinner with fixings
small salad
lots of Mike's hard lemon-aid (berry flavor)
Pineapple juice and rum
Cheese & caramel popcorn
candy from the candy bar

Sunday
homemade breakfast fries
sausage
scrambled eggs (2)
2 pieces of toast with strawberry jam
candy including 2 chocolates
Spaghetti
2 cups of blueberries
yogurt



Exercise
Saturday
Dancing?? does that count?

Sunday
30 minute walk with my daughter biking





What exercise did you do today?

From the beginning...

I guess you could say this is a form of cheap therapy! I have always seemed to have an issue with writing an journal. I would go buy a nice journal, fancy pen and sit down to write, but I would be too worried about how messy my handwriting was and I just couldn't get over I was writing to "no one". That is why I started a blog. I suppose I am not writing to anyone in particular but at least knowing that someone may stumble across my blog helps.

All my life I have struggled with my weight. Of course I couldn't have inherited my grandmothers genes and have her problem of never being able to gain weight! No, no I had to have the problem of binge eating. Now when i say binge eating I mean that I could go from eating supper, then to eating cookies, a croissant, a cup of blueberries, and gummy bears for example; that is what happened tonight to lead me to start this blog. So what happens? Why do I end up eating so much until I feel sick? Well it all starts when I put my daughter to bed. Once she is in bed I sit in front of the TV and try to relax, but I am not really relaxed, I need a snack, so I go to the cupboard, see cookies, eat 2. Get up again, see blueberries, and then the cycle starts.

Let me explain what I mean by binge eating. Let me make myself clear here: I do NOT eat all this then vomit. So therefore I don't count myself as having an eating disorder, but the more I sit here and type the more I think I do as this is not normal eating habits. So of course I googled to check to see. I came across the Canadian Mental Health association website and sure enough there is binge eating. They describe it as periods of over-eating. And the people who do this may feel like they can’t control how much they eat, and feel distressed, depressed, or guilty after bingeing. Many people try to keep bingeing a secret.  Wow that certainly describes me!  Especially the "secret" part.  Don't look in my truck... you may find wrappers in there from candy. 

Okay so your probably wondering, yeah so many people probably do this and they don't seem to be too bothered by it. But I have had enough! Totally enough! I hate the way it makes me feel, hate the way I look, hate how my husband wants to touch me and I am more concerned how he thinks my body looks than in the moment of intimacy. And the most important reason, I don't want my  three year old daughter to think this eating pattern is okay. Yes she is in bed when most of this happens but still. Random ice cream stops here and there, it all adds up that I am the junk food parent.

So why a blog? What inspired me? Well happened to be on good ol' Google and came across a blog called "Runs for Cookies". She has totally inspired me! She was not that much heavier than myself, and has lost a crazy amount of weight! How did she do it? Well after reading pretty much her whole blog, I think she went through something similar to what I am dealing with, so I have been following her and figured hey if she can do it, why can't I?

So here's the deal:
- I am going to write every day. No matter what! And whoever is reading this please make me accountable! I need help! Hubby has heard this so many times, its not that he isn't supportive but I get mad at him for trying to help when he says "you probably shouldn't eat that" or whatever. That just makes me what to eat it more!
-I need to record everything that goes into my mouth. Water, juice, food, everything.
- Exercise at least 3 days a week. I did it 4 days last week, so I know it can be done!
- Drink more water (at least 4 glasses a day, which is much more than I drink now)
- Cut out the snacking/binges




Well let me try with these goals this week. Easier to just maintain a few at a time or else I know I will be overwhelmed. 



Feel free to leave comments!