From the beginning...

I guess you could say this is a form of cheap therapy! I have always seemed to have an issue with writing an journal. I would go buy a nice journal, fancy pen and sit down to write, but I would be too worried about how messy my handwriting was and I just couldn't get over I was writing to "no one". That is why I started a blog. I suppose I am not writing to anyone in particular but at least knowing that someone may stumble across my blog helps.

All my life I have struggled with my weight. Of course I couldn't have inherited my grandmothers genes and have her problem of never being able to gain weight! No, no I had to have the problem of binge eating. Now when i say binge eating I mean that I could go from eating supper, then to eating cookies, a croissant, a cup of blueberries, and gummy bears for example; that is what happened tonight to lead me to start this blog. So what happens? Why do I end up eating so much until I feel sick? Well it all starts when I put my daughter to bed. Once she is in bed I sit in front of the TV and try to relax, but I am not really relaxed, I need a snack, so I go to the cupboard, see cookies, eat 2. Get up again, see blueberries, and then the cycle starts.

Let me explain what I mean by binge eating. Let me make myself clear here: I do NOT eat all this then vomit. So therefore I don't count myself as having an eating disorder, but the more I sit here and type the more I think I do as this is not normal eating habits. So of course I googled to check to see. I came across the Canadian Mental Health association website and sure enough there is binge eating. They describe it as periods of over-eating. And the people who do this may feel like they can’t control how much they eat, and feel distressed, depressed, or guilty after bingeing. Many people try to keep bingeing a secret.  Wow that certainly describes me!  Especially the "secret" part.  Don't look in my truck... you may find wrappers in there from candy. 

Okay so your probably wondering, yeah so many people probably do this and they don't seem to be too bothered by it. But I have had enough! Totally enough! I hate the way it makes me feel, hate the way I look, hate how my husband wants to touch me and I am more concerned how he thinks my body looks than in the moment of intimacy. And the most important reason, I don't want my  three year old daughter to think this eating pattern is okay. Yes she is in bed when most of this happens but still. Random ice cream stops here and there, it all adds up that I am the junk food parent.

So why a blog? What inspired me? Well happened to be on good ol' Google and came across a blog called "Runs for Cookies". She has totally inspired me! She was not that much heavier than myself, and has lost a crazy amount of weight! How did she do it? Well after reading pretty much her whole blog, I think she went through something similar to what I am dealing with, so I have been following her and figured hey if she can do it, why can't I?

So here's the deal:
- I am going to write every day. No matter what! And whoever is reading this please make me accountable! I need help! Hubby has heard this so many times, its not that he isn't supportive but I get mad at him for trying to help when he says "you probably shouldn't eat that" or whatever. That just makes me what to eat it more!
-I need to record everything that goes into my mouth. Water, juice, food, everything.
- Exercise at least 3 days a week. I did it 4 days last week, so I know it can be done!
- Drink more water (at least 4 glasses a day, which is much more than I drink now)
- Cut out the snacking/binges




Well let me try with these goals this week. Easier to just maintain a few at a time or else I know I will be overwhelmed. 



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